


you've got magic inside your fingertips

by rosekatxo



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: F/F, Mostly fluff but also angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-11
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2019-04-21 13:10:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14285628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosekatxo/pseuds/rosekatxo
Summary: The Secret Garden has been Charity's safe place for as long as she remembers. But maybe she doesn't need it any more.





	you've got magic inside your fingertips

**Author's Note:**

> okay a few things with this one:
> 
> a) I never write in present tense but this just wrote itself, so hopefully it's not too bad
> 
> b) I wrote this before last night's ep so it follows on from the conversation on Monday, but none of the Tracy/Bails stuff or anything after that has happened yet so bear with
> 
> c) it's soft as hell but all I've been thinking about since is the significance of The Secret Garden in Charity's life and I just couldn't resist (it's the lit student in me)
> 
> d) Charity Dingle and Vanessa Woodfield are in love and no matter what happens (or who makes stupid decisions *cough* Vanessa *cough* they're going to make it through
> 
> enjoy!

They’re sprawled across Vanessa’s bed, the smaller woman’s head on her girlfriend’s chest as their legs entwine, blonde hair of various shades fanning out across the pillows. So close they could almost be one entity, limbs pressed together and hearts beating in sync.

What she has with Vanessa, it’s an intimacy like nothing Charity has ever known before; not just physically, sexually, but in every possible way. She feels it in the way that the vet’s hands fit snugly in hers, so cliché but so undeniably true; the way that they move fluidly together, both in bed and in their daily routine; the way that Vanessa shudders underneath her as she reaches blissful ecstasy, clinging to her like she’s all that keeps her from falling; the way she always knows exactly what Charity needs, whether it be comfort or seduction, even when she doesn’t realise it herself, sometimes.

But Charity’s favourite moments are these ones. When they lay in each other’s arms, oblivious to the world spinning around them, their own little kaleidoscopic universe the only thing that matters. When her girlfriend’s fingers intertwine with her own, the depths of her eyes so overflowing with love and lust and god knows what else that they send shivers down the barmaid’s spine. When Vanessa’s smile lights up the darkness, that secret smile she reserves for Charity and Charity alone, that makes her feel like nobody can ever hurt her again. Those are the moments she lives for, the moments in which everything falls into place, when the cracks are temporarily filled with sunlight and the world moves dizzyingly slowly with them at its core.

Moments like this, that she never thought she deserved to have, never thought she’d _ever_ have. That is, of course, before Vanessa waltzed into her life and showed her what she’d been missing out on for so long, all the things she’d never allowed herself to believe in.

She’d fought her feelings, at first. Convinced herself that Vanessa was like all her other conquests (and there’d been a lot to compare her to), just a plaything for her to chew up and spit out. After all, that’s all Charity Dingle was supposedly good for – seducing people, toying with their emotions, and subsequently destroying their lives out of spite. Only it turned out that Vanessa Woodfield wasn’t like the rest. She wasn’t like anybody Charity had ever met before, and surprisingly enough she found herself drawn to that. If someone had told her six months ago that she’d have fallen for the local vet, Charity would have laughed - and then probably plotted revenge against them just for the hell of it.

Apparently, though, that’s exactly what life had in store for her.

Charity subconsciously strokes her girlfriend’s hair as she considers how even though she’d tried to run, she’d somehow ended up in a loving, healthy, _real_ relationship (probably for the first time in her life) with the woman she cares about more than she dares to admit. As her arms tighten reflexively around Vanessa, pulling her in closer and breathing in the now-familiar scent of her perfume, she struggles to recall a time she’s ever felt more content. Her eyes flutter shut as she begins to drift out of consciousness, a tired smile playing on her lips.

Vanessa, however, has other things on her mind.

“You know earlier?”

She speaks softly, unsure whether her girlfriend is still awake and not wanting to startle her – unsuccessfully, if the swift jolt she feels ripple through the other woman’s body is anything to go by.

“Jesus, Ness, I was nodding off then.” Although her words are admonishing, there’s no bite to them; just a hint of exhaustion, making the vet feel instantly guilty for waking her up. She snuggles closer into the taller woman’s chest, one hand tracing delicately across Charity’s stomach.

“Sorry,” she apologises. “I didn’t realise you were asleep. I was just thinking.”

“S’okay.” Vanessa feels the taller blonde shrug beside her. “What were you thinking about? The mindblowing sex we just had?”

The smug seductress side of Charity is one she’s all too familiar with, her husky voice usually enough to pull the vet from her thoughts and engage her in… _other_ activities. Tonight, though, she won’t be so easily distracted.

“When am I not?” she teases, drawing her hand up Charity’s outstretched thigh. “But no, actually, that’s not what I was thinking about. It was something you said earlier.”

“Oh yeah? What was that, then?”

“You know, about that book. The Secret Garden.”

Vanessa feels the barmaid stiffen at the words.

“Yeah, I already told you. I read it when I was a kid, that’s all.” The arm that had been holding her in place disappears as Charity shifts away from her slightly, causing Vanessa’s head to loll onto the pillow.

“No.” She props herself up on her elbow, meeting the barmaid’s eyes before the latter hurriedly looks away. “There’s more to it than that, I can tell. It means something to you, doesn’t it?”

Charity sighs. “Ness, it’s not a big deal. It’s just a book, alright?”

“A book that’s special to you,” her girlfriend repeats, earning herself an eye roll.

“What do you want me to say? Am I not allowed to just _like_ a book? I know I’m not as well educated as you, but even I like to read sometimes, you know,” Charity replies sarcastically.

“What?” Vanessa frowns. “I know you’re intelligent, Charity, education is nothing to do with that. I know _you_. Which is why I know this book is important to you, and I’d really like to know why. If it’s important to you, then it’s important to me,” she finishes softly.

At this, Charity rolls over and presses her face into her pillow, letting out a frustrated groan.

“You’ll think it’s daft,” she mumbles, Vanessa barely able to make out the words. “And I already know it sounds pathetic, I don’t need you to tell me too.”

“What’s pathetic?” Vanessa asks exasperatedly. “Honestly, I’d never think you were daft.” She pauses. “Well, maybe not _never_. But definitely not over this, whatever this is.”

The room remains silent, so she decides to try another tactic – she has a vague idea of what Charity’s answer will be, and wants nothing more than to reassure her that she won’t judge her for it.

“Would it help if I told you that I read Little Women as a teenager, and the March sisters were like my best friends? If I was bored or lonely, I’d imagine I was one of them and then everything would feel better.”

As she speaks, she notices Charity slowly turn back to face her from the corner of her eye, but carries on as though none the wiser.

“I was so jealous of the fact they had these built-in friends who were always there for them, and I loved them like they were my own sisters. I cried for about a week when Beth died,” Vanessa chuckles.

“Me too,” Charity supplies quietly from her side. “She didn’t deserve that.”

Tilting her head, Vanessa turns back to her girlfriend and is stunned to see tears glistening in her eyes. She reaches out to place a gentle hand on Charity’s cheek. Sighing, the taller blonde pulls Vanessa back into her arms, soft blonde hair this time coming to rest comfortingly on her shoulder.

Vanessa is used to this by now. Whenever Charity opens up to her (which is slowly becoming a more frequent occurrence), she prefers to be unable to see her reaction. Whether afraid of being judged, or attempting to preserve her own emotions, the vet isn’t sure, although she supposes it’s probably both. Either way, she knows by now that to persuade her girlfriend to be honest with her, she has to play by her rules.

They lay in silence for a moment longer, Vanessa listening intently to the hammering of the other woman’s heart, before Charity finally speaks.

“My English teacher first gave me a copy of The Secret Garden when I was thirteen. I was from a poor family, we were common as muck - everyone at school knew that, and they all hated me for it. The house was a mess, my dad was a mess, and so was I. We never had any money for toys or books or anything like that, so I’d borrow from the library. It was free, see, and nobody could stop me from doing it. I started reading all these stories, absorbing myself into all these worlds. It was like just for a moment I could forget my shitty existence, pretend I was someone else for a change – someone better. Anyway, I think my teacher realised what I was doing – she’d always liked me for some reason. Probably just felt sorry for me, but it was nice to know someone cared all the same. And when I was thirteen, she kept me back after class one day and she gave me this book. “The Secret Garden,” she said. “If you ever need a place to escape to, just read this and you’ll be okay.” So that’s what I did.”

Charity pauses for breath, Vanessa rubbing gentle circles on her free arm as she does so.

“That teacher was the last person who ever believed in me. Every time things got bad, I’d remember her words and open the book, and just for a minute everything would be okay again. Then I got pregnant, and kicked out, and ended up on the streets. I had nothing, literally nothing except my shame, but the one thing I treasured was my copy of The Secret Garden. I’d hide it wherever I was staying so nobody could see it – it was my own little secret, see, just like Mary’s garden.”

She shudders gently. “I don’t think I could’ve got through those few years if I hadn’t had it with me. I lost my copy ages ago – I have no idea what happened to it - and it actually felt like losing a friend. It’s stupid, I know,” she scoffs at herself, trying to keep her emotions at bay. “I doubt Frances Hodgson Burnett would’ve imagined a teenage prostitute reading her books, but I owe a lot to her. It’s been years, but I still remember practically every word I used to read it that much. It was my safe place when I had nowhere else to go.”

Charity finally pulls away to meet Vanessa’s eyes, shame and embarrassment written all over her face. “Go on, then. Tell me how pathetic I am. A grown woman admitting to being that attached to a children’s book. It’s stupid.”

Vanessa squints up at her. “Well, if you’re pathetic then that means I am too. And I don’t think it’s stupid at all. I think it’s wonderful.” She reaches up to twirl some of Charity’s hair between her fingers, a gesture she knows comforts the taller woman.

“Thank you for telling me,” she continues, in a softer tone. “I’m glad you feel like you can trust me with things like this. I’ll never judge you, you know that, right? I just… I like getting to know you even better, what makes you tick and what makes you smile. Getting to see the parts of you that you always keep hidden.”

Charity sniffles. “You’re such a soppy cow,” she murmurs, pressing a kiss onto Vanessa’s forehead as the smaller woman intertwines their hands once more.

“Can’t help it,” Vanessa shrugs. “I blame Beth.”

Charity chuckles lovingly.

“Everyone always blames Beth.” Her fingers begin to ghost across Vanessa’s hip bone, making her squirm slightly underneath her girlfriend’s touch. “Did you ever read The Secret Garden?”

“I think I did when I was little,” the vet ponders. “I don’t remember it that well, though. Wasn’t there something about magic?”

“Yeah,” Charity nods. “Mary - she was the little girl – she was lonely, but then she found the garden and it was full of magic, and she was happy. I always imagined that one day I’d find the garden too, and then I’d find the magic just like she did. And if I found the magic, then I knew things would be ok.”

“And did you?”

Vanessa’s tone is soft, slightly teasing, but with an undertone of something much deeper, something that tugs at Charity’s insides and causes a lump to rise in her throat. She glances down at her girlfriend’s body on top of hers, radiating a warmth that feels like home; delicate fingers locked between her own, the curve of the smaller blonde’s back as she presses herself even closer. Those beautiful blue eyes so expressive even in moonlight, the ones that had shown her what love really was way before she’d allowed herself to accept it; the way Vanessa is gazing up at her like she’s the sun and the stars all rolled into one, the way she _always_ does.

Charity’s breath hitches in her chest as she tilts Vanessa’s chin upwards, kissing her as though seeing her properly for the first time.

“You know what, babe? I think I have.”


End file.
